Big Boy Pants

Yesterday, I was designated the official babysitter of a 3-1/2 year old boy.  He has, just recently, moved from diapers to “big boy pants” although he still wears a diaper at night.  In the morning, I changed his diaper and put “big boy pants” on him.  Imagine my surprise an hour later when he promptly filled them with poopoo.

Well, we all have accidents so I took it in stride, cleaned him up and rinsed out his soiled pants.  He assured me he would not have any more accidents so I put him in a clean pair of “big boy pants.”  I was dumbfounded when, a couple of hours later, he once again filled them with feces!  Ok, I said, this can happen and I’m sure he didn’t do it intentionally.  I maintained my calm, cleaned him up again, and with further assurances from him, I put him in yet another pair of “big boy pants.”

A couple of hours later, I smelled something disgusting and thought, maybe he was having a “gas” problem because I knew he wouldn’t SHIT! In his “big boy pants” again!  To my total incredulous surprise, that is exactly what he did.  I was at my wits end and had to focus to maintain some semblance of self control.  How could he possibly do this to me?  Was he out to get me?  Is this his way of slapping me in the face?  What the hell is going on here?

After a long and severe lecture filled with promises of heavy punishment if he did it again, I cleaned him up once more and, like and idiot, put him in his fourth pair of “big boy pants.”  Yep!  You guessed it.  It wasn’t an hour later that he shit all over himself!  My first reaction was to make him wear it for a while, but the odor was too strong.  Without exchanging a single word with him, I cleaned him up for the fifth time and put him back in a diaper.  In my complete and total exasperation, I did not speak to him for several hours after that.  The little jerk had managed to bring me to my knees and, in one fell swoop, took me back to the stone age in my understanding of childhood development.

I think it was Einstein who defined stupidity as the act of doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.  I have him again today and yes, we are on speaking terms again.  Also, at his request, he is in his first pair of “big boy pants” for the day.  I’ll let you know how that turns out but rest assured there will not be a second pair of “big boy pants.”